would you for once look at me back?

before u read this i may clarify that i am not schizophrenic, nor i suffer from illusion....i just type this blog as it comes...feelings reemerge when ppl of my past appear out of nowhere and i feel like expressing myself....

One last drop...

you and i clash...just like a thunderstorm.... u do this, i do that and one of us, or both will end up hurt...we wont win this game...so, lets call it quits...allright? lets just be....whatever we are meant to be....friends we are not.... maybe efriends.... and nothing is wrong with u, is just that like me, u are afraid of commitment....u dont want to be tied down, and when i make a move u run, when u make a move, i am already 500 km away from u... we dont ve the right timing nor the right place...maybe i dont even have the heart to endure u another time.....maybe...just maybe....

y0u have grown up....and u r great as a person....just not great for me.....and i am not good for u...trust me on this one...i ll give u a headache every single day of your life... but i want to see you happy...more than anything...cause in a perversed, twisted way, i love you, i care for you and i just want to hug u till u cant breath again.... (so i ll prevent u from opening that stupid mouth of yours!)

so...the last drop just let the tap and filled the glass.... now i look at u...would u, for once look at me back?

when did i ever do the most sensible thing?

it has been over a year already....and you are right, my life is a mess without u... nothing seems to fit anywhere, and im like a ghost, living day to day, waiting for it to end...just to get some sleep and find a kind of peace...which i hardly find...

i miss you, i miss being part of something worthwhile... of waking up and find myself trapped by your arms....i miss your burps, my cooking..my laughs and smiles....most of all i miss feeling whole...

and i know you are right.I definetly know i am wrong...very..very...extremely wrong..and i know going back to you would make my life better and hopefully i would find happiness again...and that such decision would be the most reasonable thing to do...but babe...you know me extremely well.. when did i ever do the most sensible thing? NEVER

i tend to go against the flow...i tend to find new ways of hurting myself and putting myself down...somehow i believe happiness wasnt meant to last for me...

and maybe is just normal to feel like i miss you....i did gave you my all and i did share my life with you for far too long....

so please, try and forget me, cause aint good for you and i cant be your friend.....

i will always love you...cause u ll be forever the keeper of my heart.

that sadness

there is sadness in your eyes, and it bugs me...but now, unlike years ago, i know there is nothing i can do about it...i can only be here, on the side, giving you my hand, my shoulder, anything you need to just support yourself.... i ve always wanted to see the day where happiness woudl irradiate from you..lately i ve lost hope to one day see that..but im here for you...i ve always be, always will... i love you and it pains me to see you like this...there is no hope back there, is it? hun, there is hope, you will see....it might take years and years...but one day u ll rise....and even if you wont want it, i ll be there...like a shadow...always ready to catch you....just dont force yourself, and trust my strenght...i can catch you