that third kiss

he kissed me once out of nowhere, i didnt expected it, not from him...he was my friend.... he kissed me twice... again i didnt expected it...and this time i told him i was in love with someone...he kissed me the third time, out of nowhere and something changed inside of me....i kissed him back....but not wholly as i should ve...i had spent the whole night thinkin about the otherone... and after the third kiss, the talk that said i couldnt go out with them anymore cause he constantly wanted to kiss me and had to held back cause i had someone in my life.... and after the look...that look i cant forget and that look that prevented me today to look at him, cause i was scared to see what i saw the other night.... and that third kiss, when he said how lucky the guy is....me not saying anything, me not telling him that me and the other are no longer together, that i have shut him out...that i cant carry with that relationship... why didnt i say anything? why did i let him believe i was with someone else? i honestly dont know... 

all i know is that he didnt ve me at hello...he had me at his third kiss..... 

but the third kiss brought awkwardness between us.... i cant be in the same room as him by myself, i cant talk to him and look into his eyes, he cant either... he kissedc me today , in my cheek, a kiss that almost left me a bruise, but he came from behind and i didnt notice his arrival... 

now i look at the sky and ask why? why him? why now? why not before.. why do i ve this urge to kiss him in front of a crowd, like a teenage girl.. and at the same time i still feel i do have some deep feelings for the other (love? nah..) 

anyway, enough with my kisses.... i heard this song yesterday and i felt it was me singing it...to him (not the third kiss, the other) ENJOY!

I BRUISE EASILY

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing
So I let down my guard, drop my defences, down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I've found your finger prints on a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you

So be gentle
So be gentle
So be gentle
So be gentle

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, 

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

to you

I ve my own demons to chase,

Cant follow you,

Cant help you....

be careful what you wish for

maybe we dont have the right timing...or maybe is that i have lost my ability to fall inlove...all i know is that you asked...and i just stared right back at you...i wasnt expectng it..not from you, not now...im scared i do not how to leap...i ve lost the ability to do so, without looking 100 times before, to check...im not the same..i dont believe in it anymore...too much water has passed under the bridge... yet as i feel like running a 1000 miles an hour from you, you take my hand and a sense of calmness...of happiness....takes over me...weird.....

The chain has been broken

How sad it it that you wake up a day to late? Do you now understand the power of one phonecall? It took me a long road, a harder heart, and too many things to mention now..but it broke, the chain finally broke and i am free... your double meanings, your uncertainities, you lack of decision, have decided your own fate..at least your fate with me. You disappointed me so many times before, and i kept on hoping, that one day you would wake up...and you did, but a day too late.... Now i do not want your name on my phone screen, nor my msn,gmail,or facebook...I put you in a box, the one i never reopen, never check, the one that is sent to the oblivion of my past mistakes...Maybe i didnt tell you this time around, but i did in the past, i told you many times, the moment i ll leave you, when i will really leave you, you will not know it, you will not forsee it, it will just come. You will wake up and you will not know what the heck hit you.... I told you , you didnt pay attention to me, cause i know im a softy, romanitc and i believe in love, in true love, but i dont believe it has to be a one way road, its 2, and honey, i have stopped waiting for you to come towards me....

I am free, completely and utterly free...

magic times

Two friends, walking through the old streets of Rome, getting into everysingle alley, talking about life, their dreams, their past, how much good University was, and afraid of what the future might hold...two ppl, a man and a woman, eating lunch in some fancy place, made for turists in the middle of Piazza Navona, laughing at themselves, wondering what on earth are they eating with turists..they are italians! They look at stores, but dont buy anything, they talk about books, they decide to eat ice cream in the spanish steps... even though the weather is not so good...and then the sun starts to set in... slowly but surely..the colors in the magic city change, everything looks so beautiful. They walk to the Villa D'este, and watch the sky and what to they see? a Hot air balloon...and they look at eachother and start running towards it, they want to ride in it!! when they arrive, with no breath (cause they are both smokers), they find out it has just closed..is getting late...and the guy says: well another day, the girl: do u think there will be another time? 

And they walk back to the spanish steps, the lights are turning up, the cold weather gets chillier and chillier, he takes her to the subway and hugs her goodbye, and says: i had a wonderful time, i wish we wouldnt be moving so far away from eachother.....and they both felt it..after 3 years of platonic friendship, after an inmense amount of alcohol consumed together, sleepovers in the sofas, study marathons, picnic in Vicky park..that moment, the moment they are going to say goodbye (maybe forever), they realize , they wish, they had gone further in their friendship, but there is no time anymore.... one goes south, the other goes across the pond...there is a promise to see eachoter again, maybe he will take his boat to the caribbean..but thats just promises....and that was long ago... and everytime i see a hot air balloon, in the internet, i think of that moment..i was the girl, and we didnt see eachother anymore...we have drift apart, eachone in its own world...where are u my dear friend and how is life treating you? 

rain rain and more rain!!!!

Im tired of the rain! Enough! and is not cause the streets look like rivers (although not as much as few years back), and not cause the sun i miss, i hate the rain cause is HOT, amen, HOT RAIN! I want cold weather, cold rain, the whole deal, this hot, rain only makes it worse..... 

but my post is not going to be about the horrible weather we are having this summer...

my best friend is broken hearted, and im not there with her...and i wish i was, just comfort her, cause she did make the best decision, but i know is though...after 3 years of living together, after purchasing a house, after all the upside downs she called it quits. She stopped loving him and left. I admire her for that, cause i would have never had the guts to do something like that...amen, i 2 lived with my ex 4 a year, but then we had 2 years of long distance relationship (a bummer), but it was so HARD for me to break up...the feeling was not the same, but we had shared so much, our lives had become entwined, and i was SCARED to put myself out there, to start anew, to change my dreams and goals that i had share with him for four years in total...and after so much thinking i did it...it was awful, waking up and realizing all the sacrifices i had made i felt i had threw it down the drain.. it was hard cause i 2, like my friend now, i was alone, amen, i had my family and my friends from DR, but i didnt have my REAL friends, the ones that really count..they were all oever the world UK, Spain, SIngapore, ITaly and USA...

And after 12 months of have completely cut him out of my life...sometimes i do wonder if i made a mistake, but then i realize, it had to be done.... and i have survived that, and with some scars, and some extra baggage, but after 12 months i do think i am where i never expected to be... at peace with myself and getting rid of all the past.....