walk out on me once...is yr fault....twice is mine....

how is it that i feel less alone when i am surrounded by strange people? when im all physically alone in a foreign country? where none knows me??? this i cant understand.... find me in a room filled with the people i love and ask me how i feel and my answer will be: lonely....ask me in a room filled with strnage people....and i ll say: whole....

leaving the country for the weekend made me some real good.... i had time to think...to relax...and to see my world from another point of view...the day before i left...well the night...i went out and had a weird night out...there were enourmous amounts of Grey Goose involved, plus great music and friends... but someone just appeared at the place...and i wasnt expecint go see him anymore... i left confused...not knowing what to do..... should i have a chat with him,? tell him that things will have to go my way this time or is better to forget them? or should i just lock into my old self an dblock him out of my life??? i didnt know the answer b4 i left...now im going back with a clear mind and concience....im definetly not going to talk to him....i ll close it without him even noticing..just like he did to me last time we were together...he disappeared without givin me 2 weeks notice...and he crushed my world.... now is my turn, i deserve much better than him...yes...it is probable i will not find another who will give me so much calmness....yes....im probably not going to find the guy to whom i dont feel like figthing cause we just understand eachothers.....but i can live with that...in fact i look foward to a life of fighting and headaches...but knowing that that person will not leave me out in the cold without telling me b4 hand.... 

i do.... all these is worth it as long as i dont have to go through the hell he put me through the first time he decided to walk out on me......