the past should stay there...in the past

i wasnt expecting in him ever ever contacting me again... he called to see how i was doing..and he opened a can of worms...yes, cause i was FINE living without him, i was doing just OK...he added me to his FB and i accepted it...we chatted on gmail... why did i accept? i dont know...maybe cause i was curious about his whereabouts...how life was treating him....

Leaving him, breaking off the relationship wasnt easy, it took me time and courage to break it off... i almost believe it was like a divorce..,.or worse....when you share your life with someone for so long, the moment you call it quits a bit of you ends right there and then, and you ll never get it back...if you have been in my situation u ll understand...if you havent...well.... u r warned! 

i always knew i would ve never had left him if i stayed in the UK , but i was here and he was there...2 years i could handle...but more...i couldnt... and i was aware of the two of us who loved more was him..he adored me, the floor i touched was magic for him...although he did expect my decision, he didnt accept it...

and all this while, that i ve been in the island, i ve been dating, and lately crushing...but things really never go anywhere...i had a theory you see? i had a theory that he still hold on to me..he hadnt let me go and that love , that energy was giving me bad luck and preventing from go to dating casually to proper dating.... and also that i was greiving in my own silent way, putting a shell...but more of it was that his energy was affecting me..aa.

and today i proved, well he proved to me that my theory was just right... he still holds on to me...he doesnt learn to let it go...he looked at my FB photos and this is what he said , and i quote :"  see a picture with u and some fucking guy and then i start getting ulcer pains cos i wanna slap the mother fucker for smiling in a picture with the most imporant thing in my life"........me....speechless.... i didnt know how to react to that statement...im the most important thing in his life...and i told him to let me go, to just accept out fate...but i dont think it will go until he wants to let go.... 

and is hurting me to know that he is hurting... it really is... i might come out as cold hearted, but i loved him...i shared so much with him...he was a part of my life but i guess i was his life....... 

i pray that he forgets me...cause aint worthed of his love...i ve issues...i ve other things in my life and i feel i really him to release me from this......