this is the day that.....

... I want to feel the hot sand burning my skin,

... I want to taste the salty water of the caribbean,

... I want to drive with the music so loud that i forget the world keeps spinning,

... I want to walk along the ocean,

... I want to jump just because i can see him looking at me,

... I want to have a racing heartbeat ,

... I want to dream about the love of my life,

... I want to discover what makes me tick,

... I want to laugh so hard, that tears come out,

... I want someone to hold my hand, and assure me everything will be allright,

... I want a hug so tight...it hurts ,

... I want to rewind 15 years,

... I want to be free,

... I want to forget so much...

yes... today I want to forget..... and for once, let my heart make the decisions... not my head......

a lift

A moment, a split second, and you wake up and a huge weight has been lifted from you... You dont know how, or when, and you think to yourself that maybe its true, time does heal it all.... The funny thing is that i didnt know what was really bothering me, until i felt so light, that i could fly away...

I have come with terms with my past and my present... and it has been mostly positive...

There is an african belief that you must cross a sea to get over some past worries.... mine to leave me alone had to cross an ocean and 3 different seas... and TIME.... loads of it.... five years worth......

what happens when you realize you have taken the wrong turn?

what happens when you realize that you have made a terrible mistake? when you accept that the only person reliable for the mistake is YOU?

What happens when reality hits and understand what was bothering your insides for so long? What if your mistake has made your life and other peoples life a bit umbearable?

What if the mistake can not easily be solved? what happens then? can anyone tell me?

Amigos...

Los humanos vamos por la vida, encontrandonos en nuestros caminos a personas que nos acompanan.... Hay personas, que nos los encontramos desde pequenios, con quienes se tienen los mismos backgrounds (cuando pequenio es muyyy raro conseguir amiguitos que no sean vecinos ni que esten en otro colegio, al fin, esos son nuestros mundos), pues asi seguimos hasta llegar a la edad "de madurez"o como se les dice: los 18 anios....

Los 18 anios, son simbolos de cambios, nuevos ambientes en donde desenvolverse, nuevas personas llegan a tu vida... para la mayor parte de las personas el cambio no es muy brusco, pues se quedan en la misma ciudad donde crecieron, con la misma cultura, puede que ya los amiguitos nuevos no sean vecinitos, pero definitivamente no son tan diferentes a uno....

Yo, no tuve esa suerte, y le doy gracias a Dios por no haberla tenido. A los 17 anios, entre a internet, busque las mejores universidades que impartian mi carrera (sin importarme en que lado del mundo se encontraran), empece a prepararme, hice mis examenes, y en cada una de las universidades que aplique.....fui aceptada.... Pero me decidi por una, la que mejor calidad tenia y la que primero me acepto. Y a los 18 anios, me arme de valor, de ropa invernal y me subi a ese avion....Sin saber, que al regresar 4 anios despues, ni la sombra de lo que era...volveria....

Tengo la suerte de poder decir a plena voz, que YO disfrute cada minuto de mi vida universitaria.

Yo bebi, yo sali, yo conoci muchas personas de diferentes culturas, yo me di cuenta de que SOLA podia enfrentarme a la vida y que no me moriria , yo amaneci viendo las estrellas, yo camine a las 1, 2, 3, 4 de la manana, solo por el simple hecho de que tenia ganas de dar un paseo, yo no deje que un segundo de esos cuatro anios se me fuera de las manos, como se dice aqui "le saque el jugo a mi tiempo", pero lo mejor que me paso, en esos 4 anios...por quien y con quien logre sacarle lo mejor al tiempo, fueron mis amigos, las unicas personas que hasta el dia de hoy, me aceptan por lo que soy, con los que puedo compartir mis suenios, mis preocupaciones y JAMAS sentirme cohibida.

Pq , de repente quiero hablar de ellos? Pues uno de ellos perdio a su madre...y ahora, cuando los 6 vivimos en 5 continentes diferentes, cuando hay mares, rios y montanias entre nosotros, pues el, nos necesito. A nosotros, que estuvimos por anios lejos fisicamente, a los que el llama su Familia, a los que nos sentimos como un circulo especial, donde nadie, ni nuestras parejas, jjamas podran entender.... En esos momentos tristes de su vida, cuando le pudimos dar aliento por email, y por telefono, el penso en nosotros en el momento de dedicar su tesis de su PhD.... Y lo que el siente, asi lo sentimos... a bond..that few have and experience in a lifetime....

Y me hizo comprender algo.. Nosotros somos 6 personas, con 6 caracteres totalmente diferentes, con 6 backgrounds opuestos,.... aun asi logramos formar algo duradero, algo que no necesita llamadas diarias, ni visitas todos los meses....pq sabemos...que no importa la distancia, ni el tiempo que haya pasado desde nuestro ultimo encuentro....que lo que tenemos es REAL.....

Ahora solo que queda esperar con ansias al verano'11, cuando por primera vez, desde que nos graduamos, podre volver a verlos todos en el mismo lugar.....

i dont want to.... you push me to...

I didnt search for an option, i didnt even consider to have to search for an option...

yet you ask me to......

I drove 3 hours today....and the smell of mangoes sent me far away...sent me back where it all started... sent me back to what i have tried to erase...

and then an email in my inbox lights up my face.. you dont know, you will never know it... it will break you, you wouldnt understand...

yes.... YOU... wouldnt understand what is like to have a bond...and emotional bond with someone.... to have been away from that person and still feeling closer than ever.... you wont understand if i tell you how important is for me to talk to that person.... how much pain, tears, laughs, joy and hugs i have spent with that person... how it `cant be erased so easily......

You wont understand cause you dont know and will never experience that level of bonding.....

i ve been through your past... and aint that different from our present.... you dont believe in changing... you dont believe in staying....

and i, my darling, believe in living with the person i cant live without......

Regret/Miss

I dont regret leaving,

I miss going back,

I dont regret getting married,

I miss being free,

I dont regret embracing the sun, and the constant heat,

I miss enjoying the wind breaking my skin,

I dont regret growing up,

I miss being childish,

I dont regret the healty meal,

I miss a good old fashioned full english breakfast,

I dont regret saying goodbye,

I miss saying hello......

So much has changed....So much has being said and done, roads have been taken, and suddenly you realize, that you no longer are 20, and you have your whole life ahead of you, but you are almost 30, with a husband, a mortgage and all the responsabilities that come with it, and you have already decided what your life is gonna be like....

Would have i done something different??? From 2001 to 2005 i wouldnt change a bit, NOTHING, my life was perfect.... I enjoyed, i loved it.... I lived, i made mistakes (which is normal once you throw yourself at life), i didnt say NO (suddenly, now, thats all i say), I went to clubs, i danced my ass off, i drank, i smoked, i tried everything, but thats not the most important part, I had TOTAL control of my life, i spent time knowing new people, making friends for life, getting to know myself.... it was a time when i HAD the time to search inside, and look what i wanted.... Did i want to stay up all night eating chocolate and watching old movies? of course I could... i didnt ve to wake up to go to work, i didnt need to do anything to survive....

A time, that everyone needs.... cause after you are done with University, then Reality hits you and you wont ve the time to know yourself, cause life aint givin you the chance anymore......

Anyway.... i guess i just miss England.... all this rain, has made me remembered how it was to actually miss the sun.... and with that memory all the other flew by without permission.....

Anyway, if anyone reads this, and is still at uni, my only advice is to enjoy it! cause sooner than you think, you ll be waking up changing diapers :)

the 22-28th day

Those days im usually possessed...... the PMS takes over me and no matter how much i try not to change my behaviour or normal reactions...i fail...miserably....

Its like if the rest of the month i had been keeping it all inside, and bummmm!!!! those days the vault explodes!

I hate myself before and after, cause i know how annoy i can be, how fk up i really sound whenever i open my mouth.... but the doctor says is a hormone thing.... only thing i have to do is try and eat lots of chocolates (that seems to chill me out a bit)....

And he stands by me....thats when i know how much he loves me, and that is why from day 1 to day 22 i shower him with love and appreciation, cause i know that those 6 days from hell, could (have ) been a deal breaker....

And he brings me cakes, chocolates and ice creams :) just to make me happy (i suspect is also his fear of my tears, so he prevents it in every way possible)....

Perdon, pero no me puedo quedar callada..

Hay un lugar en el mundo.... un lugar donde la historia vuelve y se repite..... donde el significado de democracia aún no ha calado al diccionario local... donde la conciencia cuesta 200 pesos.... y donde el bienestar común no existe.

Hay un lugar en el mundo...donde un delincuente tiene la parte de capitán del barco... y no le importa que el barco se hunda, total hay una balsa y un salvavidas, solo y exclusivamente para el....

Hay un lugar en el mundo... donde se hacen las elecciones para satisfacer la crítica internacional, pero jamás para respetar el voto del pueblo......

Hay un lugar en el mundo....dónde sus gobernantes dicen que sólo Dios puede hacerlos bajar.... y me pregunto.... qué es lo que espera Dios para bajarlos????

Hay un lugar en el mundo....donde ya no hay esperanza, donde los que habitan su congreso y la cámara de diputados o se blanquean las narices con polvo blanco o se llenan los bolsillos con el dinero producido por ese polvo blanco... (claro que después de darle su parte al capitán del barco)

Hay un lugar en el mundo....del cual me voy a despedir, preparando mis maletas, y lléndome sin mirar atrás....porque duele demasiado, verlo hundirse por su ceguera.......

you look through me

I am here, how can u feel me there?

I am miles away, how do u know when tears are coming down my face?

I have something you gave me....it keeps me going when i realize im facing this world alone....

I miss your hugs.... I miss your looks....I miss having you beside me, giving me strenght, telling me i can do it....

On rainy days....on sunny days... i miss you

happiness tends to take me away from my writings

Life is never perfect, you decide to make it perfect... my life is not a fairytale, neither a hollywood movie... its a normal life, but every morning i decide to put on my pink glasses and to see the better out of everything that surrounds me...and it works......

and my living has been better since i stopped wondering why i wasnt happy and decided to grab happiness by myself :)

i havent posted in a while, cause i havent had the time nor the inspiration (was busy making a home out of my house)....

but im back.....with opinions, thoughts and many more things.... will be writing about soon :)