we are who we are thanks to our decisions and our past

we are who we are today, April 13th of 2011, thanks to our past... let me rephrase it, we are the result of the decisions we took in the past, the result of the people who interacted with us, wether we took left or right in the corners that have been presented upon us, without those decisions, without our past, we wouldnt be who we are NOW, we would be someone else.

So, its very important for me to aknowledge the past, to accept it, to let it go. I believe that until you dont aknowledge it, you wont be able to move foward.

How can someone live like if the past has not occurred? Maybe their past was so dark, that is hard for them to revisit it and close the door? Cant they understand that whenever they keep their luggage on their backs, it will be so hard to move to the next chapter?

I have made peace with my past, with my lovers, with my enemies, and with whoever passed thru my life.... and i am pleased. Pleased cause my doors that lie behind me are locked and only i hold the key. I am pleased cause i can open the ones in front of me without any effort, it so easy to look forward to my future.....

so... when you look into my eyes and tell me there is nothing about your past... i hardly believe it... you are not a newborn, you have gone through life....

THe day you can look into my eyes and tell me what i dont know, what is keeping you away...us apart.... when that day comes.. i might be willing to let you in into my present and into my future.....

y dicen que el tiempo ayuda...

8 anyos, 3 meses y 13 dias despues, tu partida duele igual o mas.

La necesidad de un abrazo tuyo, empiezo a entender, que jamas se iran.

Encontrar un alma tan pura y tan generosa como la tuya, no es posible.

Cada vez que algo bueno pasa en mi vida, quisiera poder compartir mi felicidad contigo...pero no estas....

El dia de mi boda, en camino al altar...eras tu que tenias que llevarme...porqué te fuiste tan temprano? Es que acaso no sabías que te necesitaba aún? Yo no estaba lista para decirte adiós....

Sabes que por 3 anyos no logré botar una sola lágrima? El día que fui a tu funeral no lo recuerdo... emocionalmente estuve congelada. Nada salio de mi.

Mientras los otros presentes seguro pensaron que simplemente yo era una persona fría y sin emociones, mi mejor amigo, el único que me conoce, me dijo al oido: el que no estés llorando me asusta....

Es que cuando el dolor es tan grande, no salen las lágrimas...simplemente no salen...

Y ahora, de vez en cuando, de noche, cuando pienso en todo lo que tengo que hacer, en todos mis problemas, lo unico que quisiera es que tu me dieras un abrazo, eso me bastaría para saber que todo está bien....

Y te veo, cuando más te necesito tu vienes en mis suenyos, me abrazas, por unos segundos me siento una nina otra vez, pero al despertarme y darme cuenta que eso fue solo un suenyo, lloro...lloro las lagrimas que encerré en mi misma, lloro como si el mundo se fuera a acabar....

Abuelito....te extranio tanto....

this is the day that.....

... I want to feel the hot sand burning my skin,

... I want to taste the salty water of the caribbean,

... I want to drive with the music so loud that i forget the world keeps spinning,

... I want to walk along the ocean,

... I want to jump just because i can see him looking at me,

... I want to have a racing heartbeat ,

... I want to dream about the love of my life,

... I want to discover what makes me tick,

... I want to laugh so hard, that tears come out,

... I want someone to hold my hand, and assure me everything will be allright,

... I want a hug so tight...it hurts ,

... I want to rewind 15 years,

... I want to be free,

... I want to forget so much...

yes... today I want to forget..... and for once, let my heart make the decisions... not my head......

a lift

A moment, a split second, and you wake up and a huge weight has been lifted from you... You dont know how, or when, and you think to yourself that maybe its true, time does heal it all.... The funny thing is that i didnt know what was really bothering me, until i felt so light, that i could fly away...

I have come with terms with my past and my present... and it has been mostly positive...

There is an african belief that you must cross a sea to get over some past worries.... mine to leave me alone had to cross an ocean and 3 different seas... and TIME.... loads of it.... five years worth......